I'M BOW-SAY!

I'm bossy              

             Now that I've come into my mid 30's, I've come to realize some harsh realities about myself. (Surprise, surprise)  My quirks include but are not limited to,  Neurotic-ism,  slight O.C.D., slightly more anxiousness, even more bossiness and might as well throw in a splash of  controlling while I'm out here spilling my guts.  Guess that comes with the territory.  Among other things, my anger issues have pleasantly surfaced over the years.  I don't like these qualities dirty.  I prefer them shaken, not stirred with a twist of optimism.  And there ya have it, an "I'm bow-say!"- straight up...... Cheers!

             I guess getting older has a way of changing people.  I've come to realize and partly accept the fact that I am bossy.  And hey, nobodies perfect!  Let me explain myself.  You see, before I became a Flight Attendant and before my, "I've been single for the past 2 years and finding myself" crisis, people came across a more subdued, submissive, malleable me.  I mean people use to even clown on me and say I was too accomodating and to quit pussy footin around.  But as of right this moment, I still feel I am all those  nice things.  In spite of my unyielding regime getting its creep on.

         I use to get thoroughly agitated when my over analyzing sisters (god bless'em cause I know they always mean well) would talk their nonsense like, "Just wait until you get older Sarah Jane, your issues will come out."  They'd matter of factly throw  words out there like "therapy", "dysfunctional" and "Prozac" while stirring cream into their coffee and discussing the next Coach or Louis they were thinking of getting.  Now being the oober free spirit I was back in my 20's, I'd shrug it off.  I mean they couldn't possibly have any idea what they were thinking about, let alone know what they were saying.  What Jibberish!  Years later, what they said is still hard wired into my system.  Could they have been onto something at their ripe age?  damn it all to H-E- double hockey sticks.  I loath when they are semi right.

           I'd like to think that it's not my issues that have come out, but rather the fact that the older I get, the more I don't  put up with peoples SHITE.  So I stick up for myself more.  I practice at it. And seeing how I've always been a yes girl, (I partly blame my Filipino heritage on that one)  it is considered rude to say no in my culture.  Err!  And  being a yes girl hasn't always worked out growing up here in the west. No pun intended thank you! So I've had a lot of practice converting to NO-ism and.....yes! yes, yes! how liberating it feels!  Almost sets you free.

            So when someone is trying to get over on me I say, "back up!"  and Dr. Jekyll snaps on.  Might I add, I've had a great deal of time perfecting this here  Dr. Jekyll & Ms. Hyde trick.  Works like a charm.  But the key is, you have to be good at switching it on & off. Especially in my line of work.  You have to be able to turn that switch off as easily as you turned it on.

            It comes quite a shock to those who come across my bossy side and I make no apology for that. Am I shameless?  eh, somewhat.  Do I care?  Of course.  I value the opinion of those I love.  However, I know full well I can't control how others perceive me.  I've come to accept my ill tempered weaknesses.  Do I work on them?  Everyday.  I give myself a million chances at life. I think working on qualities, weak and strong in order to make ourselves better is part of  living our best life as cliche' as that may sound.  I think that's what we all strive for. I'm still a nice, respectful person though!  I've met the masses from all walks of life so I can honestly say I genuinely feel  nicer and more respectful than many out there in today's world.  Well, Ok then, I'm wrapping it up for now .... So here's a toast ~ If my wrath comes out, so be it.  It's taken me a long time to accept the quirks of my ill natured tendencies and I'm not going to let anyone else sway me otherwise. Bottoms up! "Ching- Ching!"