86 Sugar (the forbidden fruit)

 I was having the all you can binge breakfast buffet with myself the other day in Vegas and as I was stuffing a crispy cream donut in a napkin to take back up to my room,  I was thinking to myself, "Self? What kind of sugary food Shall I hoss down on before the Lenten sacrifice rolls around this year? And with much thought,  I've decided to 86 sugar.  That's what I'm having for lent!

Reasons I've decided to X-nay sugar.

Reason # 1.  I swear by the Lenten sacrifice.  Matter of fact, it's the only time of year I become a super stereotype Catholic  More so than my devout husband.  After all, he was going to become a priest at one point in his life.  So when this time of year comes around, my bragging rights kick in.  But he is more into giving up meat on Fridays anyways.

Reason #2.  I originally decided to give up sugar as my new years resolution, but that failed miserably with my holiday gluttony.  As a result of my overindulgence, I gained 5 pounds.  So I figured I've lost that battle in order to win the war.  Besides, everyone deserves a second chance, right?

Reason #3  I have high hopes to to get rid of my muffin top so people would quit asking me if I was pregnant.  Yeah, that's right! pregnant!  You may not believe such comments like "Congratulations!", "Uh, are you pregnant?", or "When are you due?"  As they motion a plump circular ball around their torsos. Sorry bastards.  Side note: (Although I love multiplying and wish I were preggers mama again, I am not!  But I do have to admit I question the size of my ever growing poku.  For those of you who still don't believe me, just come with me on the J, O, B! It happens.  Especially after hossing over a plate of fried chicken wings, extra crispy, dripping in buffalo sauce, dipped in cool ranch dressing and a side of crunchy celery sticks.  hmm! hmmm!  Not forget the starbucks caramel macchiato chaser that shortly follows.  End results, usually making me feel like a gluttonous P.O.S!

Reason # 4 Now I'm not sure the scientific truth to this one, but someone once told me that you undergo such radical mood swings and withdrawals when you cut sugar from your diet not only from the addiction of sugar but also from the parasites that leach onto the sugars you digest making you that much more bloated and lethargic.  So when you deprive yourself of sugar, you not only detox yourself, but purge these parasites that naturally feed off this food source.  And since they no longer have food, they simply get get dropped off at the pool with the kids.  mmhmm,  I can kill 2 birds with one stone.

So there ya go. I will be testing my will power yet another year.  I have one more day to binge on all the sugary foods I can possibly get my hands on....... And then my friends...., Let the 40 day mood swing begin!

1.21 GIGA-WATTS, GIGA-WHUH?

               1.21 giga-watts!  gigga whuh? gig-ga who? That's how much energy my kids create daily. And that's them up way past their bed time.  From the moment they wake up, to the last minute they hit the hay, they are completely, utterly, hyper.  Just alive, moving and full of adventure!  They have this restless energy that can't be harnessed.  And if only  flux capacitors were real,  I could harness all these giga-watts and  restore my youthful energy my damn self and be able to keep up with them!
           But on the real,  when they are playing, I'm awed.  I lose myself in their every movement.  The way they shift, move, rustle through leaves, meander through jungle gyms.   It puts me in a trance.  And seeing them say or do something for the first time?  Well... that's nothing short of remarkable in my eyes. Same goes for dancing and singing.  My heart becomes so full when I watch them dance and listen to their sweet voices.  I wish I could capture all these memories and store them in a bottle. And when I am missing our days we spent together in this youthful stage of their lives, I could pour these memories onto my hands and the coolness would comfort me.   
             I'm already mourning these days back.  I don't even wanna entertain the idea of the "empty nest syndrome."  That's about 15 years too soon.  I can' help myself.  My kids are my life.  I can't wait until we create more memories together.   Parenting has given me a high that no drug could ever match.  I use to think before I had children that one could only imagine how it would be like.  Well, now I know. And as I hold them in my arms every night,  I could only imagine what it will be like to grow old with them.  What an experience it will be! I can't wait for more memories!

TAKE IT EASY GUEY!

          If I was given a dollar for every moody passenger I've encountered in the last 10 years, I could retire.  My words to these folks?....Relax!  Take it easy Guey!  Flying is not that complicated.  It's rather simple.  You see, the media plays the devil's advocate here.  No surprise.  Of course, they zone in on the worst case scenario and play like Armageddon is coming. Making,  the traveling public all but paranoid schizo's when they board the aircraft making my job that much more enjoyable.  Shame, because 98 to 99% of the flights I operate go out on time and run copasetically.
           Matter of fact, I just wish one of my flights did cancel from weather or have a mechanical so I could go home and get paid for it, but I'm never that lucky!  It's a rarity when sh*-  hits the fan from unforeseen circumstances e.g., weather and mechanicals.  So it's quite a simple choice from an operational standpoint.  Does the aircraft go in an unsafe condition and risk the peril of everyone on board or stay a while and make sure everyone takes off safe?  What a no brainer! I choose the latter. 
          Yet, I'm constantly hearing people get all pissy and shake their heads when there is even the slightest delay.  They get on their cell phones (like that's gonna solve anything) and begin to ramble on that the world much less can't go on without them because they lead such important lives.  All the while I'm thinking to myself, "Self?  I feel like stabbing myself repeatedly in the chest with a pitchfork if I have to listen to anymore." 
          Yet, I endure the brutal comments from passengers and am all but wiped out from all the vile, egocentric attitudes.  I just go on smiling like the Connie I am.  Which, I constantly give myself perks for.  I  go on my merry way and have adapted the attitude that was once taught to me by my Hispanic homies back in the day when I bar-tended and waited tables.  "Relax! Take it easy Guey!"  It works wonders!  Well...... that's all for now folks..ttyl